Well it’s finally come down to it. Only a month left until I’ll be reunited with my husband and daughter. This semester is almost coming to an end and I couldn’t be more excited and ready to get the ball rolling. After 2 years of books and classes, I’m ready to get cracking in the hospitals and practicing my clinical skills so I can feel like a REAL doctor.
April should be an exciting month because once my family comes down to visit me we will be going to Disney World for a week. Never been there before so I’m very excited, not to mention my daughter tells EVERYONE that she will be visiting the “Disney Castle” in April. All her teachers and friends keep asking her father if she’s actually going since that’s ALL she talks about. It’s quite adorable, I just hope she enjoys herself there. She has been hinting at wanting a Princess Jasmine outfit to wear to the “Disney Castle” but who knows where to find a good costume like that, except maybe at Disney World, where it will be heavily inflated triple its price, haha.
I will just be happy to hold my, now, Big Girl, and kiss & hug her constantly. I miss that most of all. It will also be nice to see my husband of course. Long distance does not do us well, and we have many kinks to work out in our relationship so it helps to actually be physically there with each other. Not to mention we’re still “trying to conceive”. And on that note I’ll begin my rant…
So the ultimate plan was to start baby-making in December 2009, the perfect plan so it wouldn’t interfere with my studies, but that was a bust. I eventually got over it and realized anytime is a good time as long as I could actually have my baby. I stupidly thought that getting off “the patch” for only 6 months would leave me fertile and ready to go, but boy was I wrong. Let me start by saying, if you can avoid it, DO NOT USE THE ORTHO EVRA PATCH as your preferred method of birth control. I can understand my cycles being weird for the first few months as the hormones work their way out of my body, but come on, it’s been almost a YEAR, and I am currently going through one of my longest “dry spells” ever. My last period was January 11th and lasted exactly 5 days, and I haven’t seen “Aunt Flo” since. Now if I were actually conceiving I’d be happy with this, but since I can tell you with confidence that I have not had sex with ANYONE since I left my husband on January 9th, this lack of “Flo” is quite frustrating.
My first long “dry spell” was right after I got off the patch, and that only lasted a month and a half. I still had the symptoms of PMS, like cramping and bloating, so my body was still doing something right. I haven’t felt anything “down there” in quite awhile. All this just adds to that looming and ever-hanging sentence my “one-time, emergency” gynecologist said, “If your period isn’t normal after a year then you’re probably not even ovulating, so we’re going to have to start you on Clomid.” I first learned about Clomid by reading other TTC Bloggers I’ve befriended on Twitter and follow here on Blogger, and then I learned more about it when my classes went over hormonal drugs. I know it induces ovulation, and it doesn’t mean you’re technically infertile, but still, the thought is there. I’ve had that nagging, devastating feeling for so long and it’s starting to come true. I’m starting to believe that I may be broken.
What’s worse is I see children EVERYWHERE. Adorable babies and cutie pie kids that make my heart ache and yearn for that feeling of kicks within my abdomen and that amazing ultrasound that makes you smile every time you look at it. Most of my friends haven’t even given kids a glancing thought, so no one really knows or understands how I feel. They don’t understand that aching feeling that “something is missing” and the joy of creating your very own child. I see that every day in my daughter and I only ask to have another child to love as much as I love her, which I think is not a big wish to fulfill, but evidently, it is.
So I have been counting down and will continue to count until I see my family again and hopefully start trying again. We will bask in the togetherness and joy of each other’s company. We will have the time of our lives at Disney World and make memories that will last a lifetime in Miami. Then we will face our issues head on and continue down this path for Baby #2 until my wish comes true. I will, of course have to visit an Obstetrician and get some second opinions and I suppose, if it comes down to it, as it seems the case now, ask them to “pass the Clomid please”.