Utterly Depressed & Feeling Like an Idiot

November 16, 2010 On My Mind 8

Well, it’s official, I failed the COMP exam!

I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I studied DIT, First Aid, & did questions just like everyone else and yet here I am at the brink of The End. I’m pissed at myself because I should have tried harder, sad that after wasting all that time and money I still didn’t pass, and scared about the future because I only have ONE MORE SHOT to make it or my career as a doctor is over! I know I get distracted easily and sometimes spend too much time online, but I really thought I put in enough effort this time just to make the cut, not score well or anything. This is ridiculous because this test doesn’t even matter! It’s the test that determines your eligibility to take the REAL test, that’s all. But then again, I suppose that means it does matter.

I can’t even imagine what my mom will say when she finds out that I failed, or what everyone else will say. All the looks of disappointment, the thoughts about “she’s not good enough”, I’m scared to walk outside or even talk to anyone right now.

I just need to wallow in my self-pity & self-loathing right now…

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8 Responses to “Utterly Depressed & Feeling Like an Idiot”

  1. Stephanie

    I am so sorry that you are feeling that way! I'm new to your blog, so I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but I just ran across this verse today and thought it might help you.

    "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22

    Stop by sometime and say hi! http://www.doylesdays.blogspot.com

  2. Runrettarun

    I'm so sorry you failed but don't beat yourself up. You ARE good enough. You will kick that test in the face next time. Chin up, girlie. You got this!

  3. Madeline Boskey

    Hi, I can just imagine how you feel. Is there one thing you can change–a different way of preparing, a study buddy, a group, or a different text?

  4. Vi3tI3abe

    yea, i'm trying to figure that out now while i have some time before taking it again…sigh

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