I’m so bummed out right now. As you all know, I didn’t pass my COMP exam in November, which totally sucks, but I still have another shot to take it. I was thinking I would be able to take the exam again in January since that’s when all the other re-takers are doing it, but for some reason that the school won’t tell me, they won’t allow me to take the exam in January! They said the next available date that I’m allowed to sit for this exam is March 14th, which sucks even more because the baby is due March 8th. With BG1, she came 3 days late, so who knows when this baby will be here so I can’t bet on when I’ll even be physically ready to sit for this craptastic exam, even if I’m mentally ready. I mean, if the baby comes early and I keep studying up until that point, I might have the energy to fly down to Miami and take the studid exam (which is what my mother wants me to do), but I have to give them notice within a good time frame and that is impossible with a baby!
So the coordinator called me today and said they’re willing to work with me because of my situation and let me skip the March exam and take the exam in May, which is when their next scheduled exam date will be. I could look on the bright side and think that it’s more studying time for me and all that, but honestly, it couldn’t get any worse. If I take the exam in May, not only will I have wasted practically a year of my life and medical school career doing NOTHING, but I won’t be able to make the 2013 MATCH (where hospitals pick their residents) so who know when I’ll be graduating or if I’ll be working at all after I’m done all my requirements?!?! And that’s only if I pass the damn exam this time around. I just hate having too much time on my hands because then I start to slack off and not study so hard and all that. So much is riding on this one stupid exam, my entire medical future! Not to mention I don’t know what’s going on with my loan status right now or how it will be in 6 months.
I just keep thinking of all my regrets and failures. If I had just passed this damn exam the first time around everything would be perfect and my timeline would have worked out just fine. But nooooo. I had to be a loser, a pathetic failure who wastes time, money, and life.
I’m just a total mess right now. I don’t know whether to just dive back into my books or just curl up in bed and mope.