Mom for an Hour

April 16, 2011 BG1, BG2, Marriage, Parenting 11

Let me start off with – Long Distance Parenting SUCKS!!!!

Well, I’ve been down here in Miami for almost two weeks now (feels like 10) and I still have about 4 more weeks to go before I can say “Bye, Bye” to Miami FOREVER! My days are all the same, which means I never know what day of the week it is, and most of the time I don’t leave the house…or this chair for that matter.

I am writing this now to confess to myself that I had NO IDEA just how difficult, heart-wrenching, and stressful it would be to leave my newborn baby and fly down here to study for my COMP exam. I thought since I’ve been away from my family for the better half of two years already, that it would be the same, I was used to it, and time would fly by.

Well Vi, YOU WERE WRONG!

Every second of every day I long for BG2. My arms ache to hold her and my heart aches to kiss and snuggle her. Right now I feel like a lifeless robot, going through my daily tasks until I fall asleep; then I wake up and do it all over again. My only highlight of the day is that ONE HOUR or so at night when I can see my family via Skype.

momhour1

That is when I feel like a mom again. That is when I feel like a person again!

I see The Hubbi holding BG2, sometimes she’s awake and other times she’s sleeping, and I feel alive. BG1 walks into the room and tells me she misses me and tries to play games with me (like asking me if I can see her while she covers up the camera lens). I try to soak up all the seconds I can in that time frame, just staring at my kids & talking to The Hubbi, because before you know it, BG2 needs to take a bath or eat or sleep, BG1 needs to do homework, and The Hubbi has to go home so he can rest after a long day of work and handling the kids afterwards.

They say she’s starting to babble and coo now, smiling more and even giving them a bit of a laugh here and there. But I haven’t experienced any of this! I mostly just stare at her while she sleeps or watch helplessly while The Hubbi soothes her when she’s fussy.

Then I go back to studying and feeling like a robot until I can finally manage to fall asleep at around 3AM because I seem to have developed insomnia.

momhour2

I think, before, it was because BG1 was older. She had daycare and activities to fill her day so even though she was still a child, she wasn’t so dependent on another person to get through the day. I could easily talk to her each night and we got through it. Now, it’s like, BG2 is still so tiny and new I can’t help but feel like a bad mother for not being there for her. Granted, I have a great support system, my mom has helped me every step of the way and The Hubbi has been a trooper handling things on his own. Still, as a mother you feel like it’s your responsibility to care for and nurture your baby. It’s your privilege and a gift that you get to love your baby unlike any other, and I don’t feel like I’m living up to that at all.

In my mind, I just keep counting down the days until this is all over and I can go home. I keep reminding myself that I got myself into this mess so I need to just suck it up, study my butt off, and rock this exam so I can have something to show for my time away from my family!

Just keep telling yourself this…

27 days.

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11 Responses to “Mom for an Hour”

  1. Melissa Burger

    That is super tough. Good job to you for being so strong. I'm following you on Google and Facebook. Thanks for linking up at Fancy Friday!

  2. ixy

    Aww, thank goodness for Skype at least. I have a 1-week training course next month and I'm already dreading leaving my 9-month old. But I asked to go on this course and I'm glad to have the opportunity – just going to miss my little bean. Isn't this what motherhood's about though? I agree, study hard and rock your exam, so you know your sacrifice of time with your little one was worth it.

    Visiting from the red dress club 🙂

  3. Susan

    it's hard to leave people you love behind especially your adorable baby! i do hope you can unite with your sweet baby and hubbi and all the people you love soon and i salute you that you could do that and all the best for you and your exam!

    I'm following you from let's get social weekend hop!

    Susan @http://tea-diary.blogspot.com

  4. kitkat

    Hey. u have a very lovely blog and i'll try to keep up with ur posts lol. i'm from the stalk hop friday and i hooope u follow back..xoxo!!

  5. Ginger

    That has to be really hard. You are almost finished. I don't think I could do it. Good luck!
    Ginger
    Stopping by LATE from #CommentHour

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