As I slowly, but surely, transition into “New” Mommyhood again I have come to the realization that I have TWO kids!
Gone are the days when I had to worry about feeding, clothing, and looking after one human being. Now I have to make sure there’s food for my growing “Big Kid” while constantly making bottles to feed my growing “Little Kid”. Luckily, I saved a bunch of BG1‘s old clothes so we didn’t have to buy many new things for BG2, but BG1 seems to be going through a growth spurt or something because she’s getting tall as heck. I swear that girl’s legs are almost longer than mine!
Before whenever I had to do something for me, I could just tell BG1 to go play (and by play I mean bother) with her Dad and I could go about with some Me Time. But now, if I want to unload the Big Kid onto The Hubbi, I’d better be ready to handle the Munchkin. And whenever we go outside, like to the mall, we have to bring all that crazy baby gear, make sure BG2 isn’t about to fuss or explode on us and make sure BG1 is within our eyesight and not being abducted by some creepy weirdo.
All of this has definitely been an adjustment and we’re both learning how to juggle our lives with two kids, work, school, family, friends, & each other. Albeit, it’s not as rough since BG1 is six and her schedule is filled with school, ballet, gymnastics, and homework; and if she needs someone to play with her uncle is always willing to shoot bad guys with her on his Playstation. Still, the one thing only we, or rather I, can give her is attention. She loves to come home after school and tell me how her day went or snuggle with me while we catch a show on TV. Whenever she learns a new move in gymnastics or ballet, she’s always eager to demonstrate it and makes sure you’re looking. I do love that she craves my attention so much, because let’s face it, when they get older they’ll be in their rooms, doors closed, or out with their friends and they won’t even remember you, so I should enjoy this time while it lasts. But tending to a newborn is pretty time-consuming and fulfilling their needs isn’t something you can hesitate at like you can if they were older. And while I try to divide my time evenly between the two kids, I still feel like it’s not enough.
Occasionally, I’ll hear BG1 say we don’t love her as much as the baby, which breaks my heart because no one could take her place in my heart (they sure know how to pile on the guilt, don’t they?). Or I’ll be playing with BG1 and hear BG2 crying for like 10 minutes because whoever is holding her can’t seem to calm her down, and I feel guilty for not being there to soothe her. Tell me things get better and the guilt will go away?!?!
I guess after living a certain way for a few years, you kind of get used to a certain routine. Then you throw a baby into the mix and it’s all kinds of crazy going on. So, I know it’s going to take some time for all FOUR of us to settle into being a bigger family, but we should get there eventually. Thank goodness for my amazing support system and a Hubbi who, even though he can fall asleep like he’s the baby (funny how men do that), not only provides for the family but is a great father and semi-attentive husband. We just gotta keep chuggin’ along!