July 20, 2011 On My Mind 3

Finally, I managed to join in on this amazing meme/blog hop. If you haven’t heard of Pour Your Heart Out, hosted by the fabulous Shell at Things I Can’t Say, then get on over there and learn all about it.

Today I’m talking about something that’s been on my mind for awhile now.

I’ve been back home from school for a year now and even though things seem the same, they’re also very different.

My little sister moved out to live near campus, so I barely talk to her and she seems so different and set in her ways, I’m sure you remember your way of thinking when you were young. I feel disconnected…

My best friend is dealing with a difficult marriage that causes her to basically live like a prisoner under the rule of a total jerk, which means I barely, if ever, get to talk to her or even see her. Which also means any chance I have of spending time with my godsons is out of the question! I could go on about how frustrated and upset I am about that situation, but I suppose that’s better left unsaid. I feel disconnected…

My other two best friends live with their boyfriends and are basically in their own worlds. Yes, we have gotten together, but it just doesn’t feel the same. Most of the time it’s just small talk, nothing real or serious, either because there’s really nothing going on or that we just don’t want to confide in each other anymore. It’s not their fault entirely because I have been busy with my family and school, and too tired to even want to go out, but again, I feel disconnected…

I feel like there’s no one to talk to, turn to, confide in, be real to, other than my husband, of course. When I have an issue, even if it’s minor, I can’t think of anyone I want to turn to. Sometimes I think I could maybe turn to the “friends” I’ve made online. Real people I barely know, which is good in it’s own way, but connect with. But then I think, I haven’t really connected with anyone. I really try though, but I just don’t have anyone to lean on. I feel disconnected…

Maybe it’s me. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with and I don’t like everyone, I’m definitely an introvert, but I has my life really come down to me having no friends?!?! Maybe I’m just not a person people really want to be friends with, to connect with and have a long-lasting relationship with. I really think I’m turning into my mom, having a child at a young age, only living for her family and having no friends, and I didn’t want to turn out like that. I don’t know, I think I’m just rambling right now.

The point of this post was to say how alone I feel. Yes, The Hubbi is great and is always there for me, but he’s my husband, and most of the time he doesn’t really GET what I’m going through or the things that I like. I’m so frustrated because I have things on my mind I can’t really say and I’m not one to hold my tongue. It’s driving me crazy! But I have to keep it to myself, but at least I can vent a little bit on here.

I wish I could be one of those people who could call on a friend to go out with and just talk with on a whim, like two close friends chatting in a coffee shop about anything and everything. I wish I had friends in the blogging world who understood me and shared my interests so I didn’t feel so alone in what I love to do. I wish I didn’t feel so, alone…and disconnected…


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