BG2 is not your average baby when it comes to the bottle. For some reason, she just isn’t a fan. Eventually we resorted to only feeding her a bottle when she naps and sleeps at night, which averages out to 3-4 bottles (18-24 oz) a day. It was tough, but we managed.
Then came time to make the BIG SWITCH to cow’s milk. And we thought she wasn’t a fan of formula?!?! Hah, boy were we sadly mistaken.
Ever since we switched it’s been like World War III each time we try to feed her. While she’s sleeping. While either of us are half asleep and exhausted from the day. Seriously?!?!
This girl will toss and turn, cry and moan, spit up and flail all while we’re breaking a sweat just trying to keep the girl well nourished. And it’s not like she’s full or anything because she would go all night or over 8 hours without anything if she tried to. At one year old!
It’s extremely frustrating and highly aggravating, to say the least. Usually, after trying and failing to feed her for the 50th time in a row I hurriedly, but carefully, toss her back on the bed next to me, put the bottle down (when really I want to throw it at the wall), glare at that adorable, yet loathsome baby (when I really want to scream into my pillow or punch a good punching bag), and try to calm myself down before I try again.
It’s only been 3 weeks, yet it feels like 3 months of this.
But today was a low day for me. Well, this week rather. Not only is AF visiting this week (which for some reason causes me extreme fatigue ever since she made her BIG comeback after BG2 was born, thank you very much), the Hubbi has been/is away in Canada, and BG1 is suffering bouts of stomachaches due to her long-term issues with constipation, I have to deal with BG2’s feeding problem and my constant worry that she’s not getting enough vitamins and nutrients. Because of AF, I neglected to pay attention to my 5AM alarm to give the baby her bottle and woke up at 7:30AM crazed and ashamed. I then hurriedly tried to feed her, which failed miserably because she started waking up (she usually gets up around 8AM) and you definitely can’t give her a bottle when she’s awake.
Nevertheless, I kept trying and trying to give her that bottle in between getting myself ready for work and her ready for the babysitter. Before leaving I managed to get her to drink about half the bottle, but I knew she could drink more so I took it along with us, hoping to feed her the rest before I dropped her off. Thats when it all went wrong.
Try as I might, no amount of play or appeal works on this baby when it comes to the bottle.
She turned her head. Batted it away with her hands.
I kept trying, persuading her to no avail. Milk dripping down her chin. Then I tried to just let her drink the milk like a cup. Boy, was that a mistake. Milk. Everywhere.
She was crying. I was screaming. Milk was wasted. The car was a mess.
We were both done.
She looked at me with those big eyes, tears running down her cheeks. I looked at her, about ready to break down myself, so many crazy bad thoughts going through my head. And then I felt nothing but shame, guilt, desperation, anger (at myself), and so many more emotions.
I almost lost it today.
Quickly, I regained my composure, looked into the sun to keep myself from breaking down, and once I was ready, lovingly soothed and reassured my baby that it was all okay, that I still loved her, I could still smile and laugh with her. She seemed okay with it, you know how quickly babies forget. I, on the other hand, probably won’t ever forget.
I almost lost it today.