Why Is It SO Hard for Me to Make Friends?!

May 4, 2012 On My Mind 6

So I’m currently in MI taking a review program for the USMLE Step 1 so this place is totally new to me. The drive was okay, although I did manage to get a speeding ticket, FML, and some stupid rock made a small crack in my windshield, double FML; but otherwise I got here safe and sound. I’ve been adjusting for the past couple of days and started class yesterday. There are about 30 students there from all over the US. After two days, I’ve made ZERO friends.

Let me start off by saying, I pretty much suck at making new friends. I personally hate small talk, it’s pointless and impersonal to me, but you kind of have to do it in my line of work, both doing nails and in the future when I’m working in the hospitals. That’s all fine and dandy though because I’m a professional when it comes to the workplace and can easily greet and talk shop with patients and clients.

Making REAL friends, however, is a whole other story.

I always find it awkward to start off a conversation with someone I don’t know. Sure there’s the obligatory “Hi!” and social smile, but that’s about it for me. I don’t even remember how I made friends in the past since my current, close friends are people I’ve known since high school, and any new ones I meet are through the Hubbi, who is a certified social butterfly. I swear, if I had his social skills, I’d know the whole class by now! Even when I started medical school I randomly met a girl when she asked me question, and from there I started meeting other people (she was a social butterfly too so everyone she knew, I eventually knew and even became close friends with a few).

I know! I know! I use social butterflies like a crutch! Sigh, it’s a shame, really!

I’m really working on it though. I told the Hubbi that I would try a little each day to talk to people and make friends. I’ve been told I’m not exactly that approachable and people often think I don’t like them when they first meet me, which is usually not the case. I know I’m introverted, but I’m one of those people who prefer a close-knit, small group of friends who I can trust and rely on rather than knowing everyone within a 100 mile radius. That’s just me! I guess I give off this “I don’t wanna be friends or talk to anyone kinda vibe” but I swear, when you get to know me it’s totally the opposite! Sigh…

It kind of sucks though because I already see people making friends and kind of “clique-ing up”. I gotta get in there quick!

I feel like I should be reading one of those little kids’ books on friendship and how to make friends, LOL! FML!

So, for all you non-awkward, friendly, social butterfly people out there – How do you make friends and talk to people so easily?! Any tips?!

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6 Responses to “Why Is It SO Hard for Me to Make Friends?!”

  1. Marie

    I’m awful at making new friends! I’m really quiet and shy and I don’t trust people all that much. Hubby is the same though, he’s so out going and funny and he makes friends so easily. I recently took an internship across the country where NO ONE knew me and it was so much easier for me to start over and I made a ton of friends I still keep in touch with. You just gotta put yourself out there, connect with people you have things in common with. With me though, trusting someone is much much more complicated :\
    Marie recently posted…Marie Loves Books is TWO YEARS old!My Profile

    • Vivian

      I totally agree, trust isn’t something I give people easily. Ugh, I hate putting myself out there though, such an introvert! But, I really wanna make new friends so I gotta push thru my fears & hesitations and accomplish this goal. I’ll let you know how it goes, lol!

  2. Oh! Paper Pages

    I make friendly pretty easily. The one thing you have to remember in these situations is that everyone is feeling awkward and uncomfortable – even the social butterflies. To successfully make small talk, just smile and make eye contact. Being friendly and being (or pretending to be) interested in what someone is saying will always make people want to make people want to be around you. Here are a few questions to ask to start a conversation:

    1. Where are you from?
    2. Where do you go to school?
    3. What’s your major?
    4. What do you want to do after you graduate?

    An easy tip: SGI- Strengths, Goals, Interests

    If they work, ask them what they like most about their work. What is the best part? (S)
    What do they want to do long-term? (G)
    Ask them if they have seen your favorite tv show or tell a story about somewhere you’ve traveled and ask them if they have seen the show or been to the place (I)

    Many people LOVE talking about themselves, so just give them a chance to do it. Sharing stories is a great way to start a conversation. If something comes up that reminds you of a personal experience or a friend’s experience, share it! I often have an easier time talking about a friend than myself. For example, if someone is talking about a trip to Europe, I will jump in with a story about my friend who spent 6 months traveling around Europe and sleeping on people’s couches. She found a couch surfing website and stayed with strangers.

    Throw your shoulders back, lift your chin, and smile. You’ll be fine. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Vivian

      Thank you so much for all your advice! Yea, I’m trying to go with the idea that everyone is feeling awkward & wants to make new friends. I gotta get in there now too before everyone already has friends & I’m left in the dust, lol. I will definitely try your ideas and make at least 1 new friend a day starting on Monday! 🙂

  3. Jill @BabyRabies

    It’s hard! Sometimes I scare people away by being TOO social, I think 🙂 Just remember that everyone is probably as self conscious as you are. If you just make the first move, be the first to smile, the first to say hi and introduce yourself, sometimes that’s all it takes.

    • Vivian

      Yea, the only problem is I hate being the 1st to make the approach, lol. I know, I suck! Will def try harder next week! Making friends is on the list! LOL! Thanks for the advice <3

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