Is It Worth It?!

July 14, 2012 On My Mind 12

You know that feeling of insignificance where you wonder if people even hear you? If people overlook what you say in favor of other, more important people? Do you even make a difference? What is the point in doing all this work if no one even cares what you have to say?

I’ve been doing this blog thing for a few years now and it hasn’t gotten to where I had wanted or hoped it would. And I don’t mean fame and fortune. I don’t have the connections I see others share so easily, despite my trying so hard. I always seem to be the one reaching out and it isn’t even until I do that people acknowledge I exist. Would anyone bother to comment, tweet, msg, email, or text me if I didn’t approach them first?!

Is it really me?! What am I doing wrong?! Am I that hard to relate to?!

I mean, IRL things are great. I have the perfect amount of family and friends who love me and who I love in return. But that’s IRL. I feel like there’s always been this void and I guess I thought blogging would help fill that void.

The presence I had wanted to make online, just doesn’t seem to be happening and I don’t know if it’s even worth it anymore. I don’t know where I’m going or what I want to do or who exactly I am in the blogosphere and though I try my best not to let it get to me, it does. The numbers don’t mean anything if people just scroll through what you write!

They say it’s a lot of hard work. That it takes time. That you have to go out there and forge connections, comment, and interact with others. Be different, unique, and let your voice stand out on your blog and online. Be patient. – Yea, well, I’ve been there and done that! What do I have to show for it?! Nothing…

I guess this break I’m going on starting tomorrow will put things in a new perspective for me and help me figure out what I want to do next.

Would anyone even notice I’m gone?!

Probably not.

Pretty much defines me right now…

Missing Piece
by David Choi

I feel like a boat without a sailor
I go where the wind blows
Just moving around like a lonesome stranger
I got no home

In search of a treasure
Some place I don’t know
It feels like forever
I’m making my way
Through the hills and deserts
I thirst for hope

I don’t know
What I’m looking for
But I’ll know
When I find it

There is a missing beat
Inside of me
The rhythm of my heart
Hits unevenly
There’s a missing piece
Inside of me

Trying to figure it out
But it amounts to nothing
I want to realize
But nothing I find
Ever feels like the real thing
Can you empathize?

I don’t know
What I’m looking for
But I’ll know
When I find it

I’m lost inside
A cold bitter world
I can’t understand the need
It’s makes it so hard to breathe

 

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12 Responses to “Is It Worth It?!”

  1. Aneeqah @ My Not So Real Life

    Oh Vivian, I truly hope that you will continue blogging!! I’ve been a fan of your blog ever since I stumbled onto it, and have been constantly reading your posts, even though I haven’t been commenting! I can be so bad at that! I feel like your blog is so unique, and I really love it. I believe that you just need to get the word out a bit more! Start participating in a few more memes, and comment, comment, comment! That way, you will spread the word about your blog to others, who will come and visit. =)

    I also wanted to say- I’m totally the oppostie of you concerning friends and such! I feel like I have so many book blogging friends, but have no one really close to me IRL. That’s a pretty big problem, since you can only be on the computer for a limited time, right? But I assure you, you’ll find a group of book bloggers to be really great friends with. Everyone is just so nice and amazing!

    Vivian, I really hope that you continue to blog! I’ve enjoyed reading all your posts, and hope to read many more in the future. =)
    Aneeqah @ My Not So Real Life recently posted…The Reading Games: Update #3My Profile

    • Vivian

      Thank you SO much Aneeqah, you don’t know how much that means to me. Yes, I really do need to start participating in memes & commenting more I guess, have been slacking. I can’t wait until this studying hiatus is over so then maybe I’ll come back invigorated and with a new perspective on things. I think it just bugged me a lot lately because I AM on the computer more than in the real world nowadays since I’m cooped up in my room studying all the time, lol. Idk, I need a change in my life, but its gotta wait until after this craptastic exam! Thanks again for all your kind words!

    • Vivian

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you’ve been a long-time sub. That makes me smile 🙂

  2. Bonnie @ A Backwards Story

    I would notice and miss you! When I’m prepping for/running a big event like the two that have just passed us by, I wind up behind on blog reading, so I don’t read OR coment, much to my chagrin. I mean, you see how sporadically I’m even on Twitter, and then the comments are all at once!

    Maybe others are the same?

    Either way, I would miss you. I’m glad to know you and hope to see you around more!
    Bonnie @ A Backwards Story recently posted…Splashy One to Watch: WAKE by Amanda HockingMy Profile

    • Vivian

      Awww, Bonnie, thank you! That really means a lot to me, especially after the way I’ve been feeling. Well, this studying hiatus couldn’t have come at a better time and I’m sure I’ll feel refreshed and be more positive when I return. Can’t wait to see you at PAYA, btw! Miss you!

  3. Kara D

    You probably have a lot of readers like me. We may not comment all the time because our inbox gets full but as soon we see a tweet or a new update on the blog, we check it out. Trust me, it definitely matters to have you guys as awesome reviewers out there. You seem pretty cool and we may not talk but I def admire you for what you do.

  4. Tira Misu

    I adore your blogs. Sometimes I wish I kept up with mine! We really need to catch up. I miss you dearly!

  5. Jennifer♡Elizabeth (@mommiecouture)

    I went through the same exact thing you are going through and know exactly how you feel. Now I’ve gone and made my blog “subscriber only” fully knowing I’d lose a lot of people by doing this… But ya know what, if nothing else we have our blogs to reflect back on a period of time in our lives. What we were thinking, what we were doing, etc. If for no one else, we have our blogs for ourselves to look back at. 🙂
    Jennifer♡Elizabeth (@mommiecouture) recently posted…“Sound the alarm, my little mister is 18 months old {photoshoot time}”My Profile

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